Terms & Conditions
Below is a short* list of the benefits we give to our employees and collaborate partners! Be sure to read down the list with a smile on your face as you begin to see the many advantages* Sanjic could bring to your life!
*Long *Disadvantages
Regarding rights — non will be added and all will be taken.
All your possessions --> our possessions
Your girlfriend --> our girlfriend.
Your boyfriend --> our boyfriend.
Upon the exit of this company all limbs and remaining eyeballs (if already removed) will be given back as your deposit.
Upon exit of this company you will have a debt of 4 limbs and 2 eyeballs. They don't need to be your own for this to be paid off.
You can start a free trial however must first give all your credit card information and its also impossible to cancel the monthly cost of 12,000 doubloons.
In the event of your death you will be dead.
We own you.
In any sort of election you are required by law to vote for members of the Sanjic organistion in order for there continual control and placments of power. If no you will go for a walk in some woods and take a tumble
If you begin to act in a formal manner throughout your collaboration with us the termination of your bloodline will commence. Sanjic appreciates only those who act in a devious manner.
50% off on El Menú! (Only on Gleebal-day)
If you didn't say "Uno" before the end of your go then don't collect 200 bucks.
You get paid 110% of what you would normally be paid on the days you are sick (We care).
You get paid £0 on days you do work as the enjoyment is payment enough.
Attendance of any or all Sanjic Events will give us full access to your mind, allowing also the guaranteed return of your mindless body via Microchip inhibitors. We may activate you at any or all the time.
We Own Your Soul: you relinquish all rights to your soul, which will be stored in our eternal database. This will of course be juiced and used in different distilleries around the galaxy
Your Data - we reserve the right to use your personal data for whatever the hell we want. we might sell you data
You will no longer exist by accepting these terms, you agree to be erased from the collective memory of humanity
You grant us unlimited access to your thoughts, memories and possible alternative timelines.
Lifetime Obligations: You agree to work for our company for eternity, with no compensation, but free coffee on Fridays.
If you are reading the terms and conditions you fully accept the terms and conditions
There wont be any Personalized Commercials: You agree to never watch stupid and scamming personalized commercials made by brainless companies before you can access any content on our site.
Your future will no longer contain any sort of free will
Your eternal being is now subject to our torture at any given moment
you are happy with and will smile when being given the information that you have been infected with one of the following diseases for experimental purposes*. As follows: AIDS, Rabies, Ebola, Lassa Fever, Malaria, Tuberculosis, Cholera, Bubonic Plague, Meningitis, Septicemia, Anthrax, Lyme Disease, Smallpox, Typhoid Fever, Yellow Fever, Marburg Virus, Dengue Fever, Zika Virus, Hantavirus, Leptospirosis, Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS), COVID-19, Necrotizing Fasciitis. *(Essentially for a funny galactic prank show!)
Teleportation Agreement: You may be teleported at random to any dimension or parallel universe for a mandatory team-building exercise without prior notice.
Mandatory Amnesia: You agree to undergo a monthly memory wipe to keep things fresh and exciting, we won't remove all your memories, just the ones we deem 'against', Sanjic. Any memories that you wish to keep will incur a “Memory Keep Fee” of 50,000 doubloons.
Spontaneous Combustion: You may be selected, at random, to spontaneously combust for the sake of company morale. Don’t worry! You’ll be replaced promptly with a cloned version of yourself.
Universal Citizenship: By agreeing, you consent to be a citizen of all known and unknown universes in past, present and future, bearing the responsibility to fight in any inter-dimensional war on Sanjic’s behalf.
Bodily function upgrades: Upon signing up to Sanjic we will make additions to your organic body. Thye will enhance your abilities or end up corrupting you from the inside out.
Performance Reviews: We won’t just evaluate your work—we’ll evaluate your thoughts, desires, and secret dreams. Fail to meet expectations, and we’ll update your "thought patterns" for you
Oh not so fast!
In order for your character (You) to have access to these perky perks, you will need to meet all of the following requirements. It's not that we are being harsh (we are) it is that we are sifting through all this dirt and gravel to find a few small gold pellets.
Your person has at least 3 limbs but at most 5.
Monkeys, pigs or geese are some of your favourite animals. Flying deer are also acceptable due to their surreptitious nature.
You understand that when writing scriptures and other such manuscripts for Sanjic, the write contains phrases and language that is synonymous with our ways.
You contain at least 4 litres of blood and are willing to donate at all times.
You have 3-4 years of influencer experience.
For entry level positions you have at least 25 years of experience working as a founder of a large corporate and galactic civilisation.
You have 3 noble prizes (we are being lenient in the fact you can choose what fields you study from)
Any range of IQ, we are in good need of some monkeys for our experiments so we're sure you 20 IQ's can help.
Stick drawing skills are up to scratch.
Have at least a following of at least 100,000,000,000 followers.
A valid subscription for Netflix
A valid ID and Drivers licence — not that you will be driving
You have the ability to create a carrot recorder
You have the ability to moon walk — but also having the ability to go all in, whether you’re traversing across intergalactic terrain or an earthbound dance floor, the moonwalk will glide you into stardom in any situation it suits.
Requiring proficiency in juggling, singing and storytelling with great and the swift ability to make coworkers laugh on command.
A pet monkey you are full control of to help with crazy antics at all times.
labOurer GuErdoN
1 free lollipop at lunchtimes and 1 after supper time.
Once a month, you'll enjoy a delightful meal of "unidentified substances" — straight from the galaxy's least sanitary corners. Don't ask what's in it, it's part of the fun!
You can take as many days off as you want, as long as you don't mind spending your "vacation" working forever in a detention universe. Also, we'll still bill you for them. You will also be cloned and replaced and the new clone will replace your old life.
Health and Wellness Program: Free experimental medical treatments to enhance your “performance.” Results may vary. Side effects include glowing skin, uncontrollable rage, loss of limbs and sporadic jumping jacks.
Upon your fortunate demise, your soul will be stored in our patented Eternal Database. Your family receives one free coupon for our ice cream stand in exchange for all your bodily information.
Flexible Work Hours: You’ll have complete flexibility to work whenever we tell you to. If you refuse, well... we’ve installed microchips. Don’t make us use them.
Pet Policy: Pets allowed! However, your furry friends must be enrolled in our testing division. They’ll love their new jobs as 'Lab Interns' (Warning: pets may not return in their original form).
Family Leave: Feel free to take leave for important family events, like your child's first day of alien transformation camp, or the capture of your partner in one of our intergalactic raids. We might release them.
Generous Retirement Plan: After 1,000 years of loyal service, enjoy your retirement... as a sentient shadow haunting the halls of Sanjic HQ, bound to serve us for all eternity. Congrats on the promotion to "Immortal Assistant"!
Employee Discounts: Enjoy a 10% discount on any soul-juicing services you or your family may require. Why let all those precious energies go to waste?
Mental Health Days: You get one mental health day per year! You’ll need it after the mandatory daily "Mind-Melding Meetings," where you and the other employees share a single, collective consciousness.
Performance Reviews: We won’t just evaluate your work—we’ll evaluate your thoughts, desires, and secret dreams. Fail to meet expectations, and we’ll update your "thought patterns" for you.