If you are one of those retched mouth breathers then this is for you. Or perhaps you have recently opened your mouth in awe due a distracting pair of cherries*. 

Regardless, this stratagem will provide you with a face physique that is pure. Perfect. People without such a jaw should live not. A world void of suffering and doubt.  The world would prevail given all were this creation.

A brisk and brief description of this procedure; we will first start you out on a intoxicating gas to knock you out (C4 H8 Cl2 S), once yer out we will snap you jaw using various tools including a 'stubby nail eater'. Then we will take your jaw and replace it with one of 3 items: Lego movie MacDonald cup, 7 week old pancake from Asda value section or LeBron James toy filled with water. This is determined by luck. Once selected your final jawline will shine and be sharpened to ensure you slash through your fellow pupils and colleagues.

*Yeah Right

Too small, tiny, microscopic, minute, nanoscopic, short, dwarfish, petite or shrimp? Sanjic has invested in a galactic starter business that might be trust-able.

Their work ethic is questionable, which is endorsed by Sanjic, we love a good question. The open possibility of "Is it? Could it be? Will it?", is intriguing.

Besides this procedure is great! They will extend you dependant on the gravity of your home planet! The gravity of earth is 9.80665 kg / N. Therefore you will be stretched to exactly 11.7683 feet tall. This will be great for all fans of Earth based sport. A slight inconvenience for public transport and aeroplane travel but over great to dominate fellow primates.

The procedure: By inserting a 5 feet long unobtainium (Rather easily obtained ironically) rod up your buttocks they can extract parts of your brain. The more they get the more you will be able to function in the second stage.

At the second stage they plop whatever brains they have into an incubation tube that allows you to develope all over again and be reborn. Over the next 24,000 earth years you will eventually be fully matured. While this is ongoing the mental strain will actually force you into a vegetable like state. Leaving you with no option other than to self terminate.

You fatty boom batty, blubber naught. You overweight obelisk of obsessive eating. You massive meaty monster. You disgraceful and disgusting gathering of demonstrable damage. You wibble, wobble whale. You smelly, stinky stench and amalgamation of unadmirable yuck.

I have seen you eating all those cookies and extra jam donuts. The mass you have gained is more frightening than death (Something you might become familiar with soon).

You have solemnly become so massive that you need a futuristic weight loss surgery just to survive. Not only that but you are so addicted to eating you will continue to need this procedure on a yearly bases to cut down on fat. If we didn't decide to step in before you gained more mass you may accidentally destroy the earth due to entangled gravity fields.

The curvature of spacetime around you dilates time to a degree such that everyone round you ages slower. If you continue on this slipper slope the field lines will eventually cross over and cause a prison of information - a black hole. The spaghettification of people around you will be painful to all those around. (Spaghettification isn't an Italian dish you can eat, stop thinking about food Mr bouncy castle )

Two legs ain't enough is it? If you are hungry for more then you are in the right avenue. Most X to Y genetically modified bodies are very sad that they don't or can't pack the punch that a third leg would allow for.

These legs come in a large range of sizes! Anywhere from and including 1 nanometer to 32 inches. The length is entirely decided by you! For once a fair trail. 

The procedure: For this one we wanted you to be able to see what is going at all times through the live feed of your eyes. So, no drugs on this one! You get to feel the cuts and incisions allowing for the wonders ahead. If one isn't willing to go through pain for successes, should they be allowed the joys of vanquishing a plentiful supply of X-X's?

Anyways, they first cut a large lump of flesh off near your stimulus region. This is then met with gluing on a Deseret amazon package delivery. Only $49.99 for each! Once the glue has solidified we chop that part off again then begin sewing the new skin on. This along with more complex nerd doctor stuff, becomes the base for the beg. and all done!

The future of the human species is to reenact that on an anthropod! A very special one indeed. For this trial you will have all of your lateral and frontal teeth removed and joined with other fellow humans.

 This is only for the bravest of souls. So far this monsters has reached a length of 68000 segments. Over 56% is human, the other percentage is a mix of other low life species enslaved by bigger and better armies.

Sore head? The chances are it isn't that you haven't consumed or eaten in the past 3 days. It must be evil spirits twisting and mangling the neuronic connections in your gooey brain. 

The procedure: Using the latest "cutting" edge technology, (a hammer and chisel) we can release the bad spirits that reside in your mind. Your skull we be freed in a ceremony! For the rest of your life all you will know is wealth and happiness*

*Yeah, no